Author Topic: ZT: Math Sex Jokes  (Read 3441 times)

万精油

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ZT: Math Sex Jokes
« on: 八月 30, 2013, 10:29:25 am »
内容还不错,但我觉得凡是有双关意义的词翻译都不到位,失去了原文的很多韵味。

--万精油--

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Math Sex Jokes

数学笑话

    Jul 22, 2009

2009年7月22日

    Are you 2x? Because I want to integrate you from 10 to 13!

你是不是2x啊?我想从10到13积你的分啊。(译注:积分不太好的,知道结果是69就可以啦)

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    I derived your mom last night. It was f prime.

昨晚上求你姨妹导(数),结果是f'.  (译注:f-prime)因子是遗传学里的一个名词)

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    How is sex like math?

性和数学的共同点是:

    1. Half the time I get an odd result.

1。一半的时间,得到的结果都是莫名其妙。

    2. If my hands aren't enough, I end up using my head.

2。手搞不定时,常常用嘴。(译注:不太好译,中文没对应的说法)

    3. I always wonder how the person next to me is doing on his work.

3。你老在想,旁边那家伙是怎么干那档子事的。

    4. My average at each is pretty dismal.

4。平均分都不是太高。

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    What is 69 and 69?

69加69, 几何?

    Dinner for four..

四人晚餐。

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    What is 6.9?

6.9什么意思?

    Good sex interrupted by a period.

上乘爱爱时点错了地方(译注:那个什么period的另一意思译不了啦好像;鸣谢ncu晨风的点)

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    Q: If you go to bed 8 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?

问:假如你在床上待8小时,你老婆想爱爱2小时。你能睡几个小时?

    A: 7 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants!

答:7小时57分钟 -- 她想爱爱关我鸟事。

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    At this moment 5 million are having sex, 2 million are in gun fights, 91 million at a party, and one sad loser is reading this joke。

此时此分此秒, 5百万人在爱爱,2百万人在吵架,9千2百万人在开party。一个可怜虫在读这个笑话。(译注:有没搞错,这也是数学笑话:))

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    A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know."It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..." "Tell us!" "Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'"

一个数学系的研究生每天都是走路到学校。可这天骑一崭新的自行车到学校。他哥们问他,“哪来的自行车?” 他说,“是个谢礼,别人送我的。大一的一妞,我给她补习数学。说起来挺奇怪的。。。“ 他的哥们自然起哄,”说来听听。“ 他说,”这妞昨天打电话给我,说她数学期考满分。说她得见我要好好谢我。她骑自行车来的。进屋后就脱下全部的衣服,光光地躺我床上,笑嘻嘻对我说: ’你想要什么就拿什么吧。‘”

    One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."

他一哥们说,“你要自行车是对的。”

    "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in girls clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

另一哥们说,“是啊,你要她的衣服尺寸都可能不对,再说,总不能一爷们的穿个娘娘服。”

(译注:这么长这么烂)

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    Q: How are math and sex the same?

问:数学和性的共同点是嘛?

    A: I don't get either one.

答:我对两个都是一窍不通。

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    A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in a psychological test. They sat on one side of a room and waited not knowing what to expect. A door opened on the other side and a naked woman came in the room and stood on the far side. They were then instructed that every time they heard a beep they could move half the remaining distance to the woman. They heard a beep and the engineer jumped up and moved halfway across the room while the mathematician continued to sit, looking disgusted and bored. When the mathematician didn't move after the second beep he was asked why. "Because I know I will never reach the woman." The engineer was asked why he chose to move and replied, "Because I know that very soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"

一数学家和一工程师做一心理 测试。他们待在一房间里,等。门开,一裸体美女进来后,远远地站在房间的另一端。有人告诉他们说,你们每次听到一声“噼”声,就可以向前移动你们跟美女之间一半的距离。第一声“噼”声后,工程师向前移动。数学家呢,动也不动。第二声“噼”声后,数学家还是一动不动。问他为什么不动。他说,”没有用的啊,我永远也不可能接近美女。“ 问工程师为什么他愿意移动,工程师说,”很简单啊,要不了几次,我跟美女就可以足够的接近,干实活又不是非得零距离接触。“ (译注:鸣谢ncu晨风的零距离)

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    A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

一物理家,数学家和一搞计算机的就以下事聊天:老婆好点还是女友好点。物理家的高见:女友好点,因为可以自由的做实验。数学家的高见:老婆好点,保险一些。搞计算机的认为:最好两个都具有。这样的话,我可以跟计算机待在一起,没人来烦我。老婆以为我在女朋友那。女朋友呢,又以为我在老婆那。

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    Why does 1+1=1?

为什么1+1=1?

    1 male + 1 female = 1 baby

1男+1女=1宝宝

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    Q: If you have two friends and six women, how many women do each of your friends get?

问:假如你有两哥们,6个女人。每个哥们有几个女人?

    A: None.

答:无

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    Q. How do you teach a blond math?

问:要如何教美女数学呢?

    A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

答:先“除”她的衣服,再”开“她的双腿的平方, 再加上你自己的立方”根“。

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    Before I root you, are you over 18?

 

 ni>18, 5+ni=ii [译注:原公式为题图,弄个中式的,我都知道我吃多了撑的:)。期待高手出招啊]

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    "What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"

”你那数学系的可人儿女朋友怎么啦?"

    "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."

"她都不是我女朋友啦。她劈腿。“

    "I don't believe that she cheated on you!"

”不会吧?“

    "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."

”是啊。上次我给她电话时,她说她正在床上跟x,y, z弎忙乎着呢。“

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    Sex is like math:

性跟数学类似处:

    Add the bed,

加床,

    Subtract the clothes,

除衣,

    Divide the legs,

分腿,

    and pray to God you don't Multiply!

都不想搞出人命。【译注:算啦,前面几个还有点意思。鸣谢ncu晨风的人命】